You're so nebulous sometimes
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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