I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
