Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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