I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
