I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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