I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
