I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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