I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
