Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize