Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
