I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
