I accidentally burped into my bong.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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