Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
whose parrot is this?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
