What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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