He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
