so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
