Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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