The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
