I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
