i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
