____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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