Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
