apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
