which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize