Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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