he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize