we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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