We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
