Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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