first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
