the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
