Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
