My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize