I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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