i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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