I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
