Tell her she can't have a vagina
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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