I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
