the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
