I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
