Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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