Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I need water and some morals
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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