Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
