His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Everyone says I win the strip club
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize