saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
