he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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