my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
