When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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