Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
