you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
