He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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