i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
This baby is an asshole
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
