she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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