I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
