Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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