I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
