This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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