You just made me feel so damn special
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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