Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
