guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
