You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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