We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
