we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
