My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
