My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
