Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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