hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
