Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize