Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
