My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
