Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I understand Curling. That high.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize