4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
