I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
